Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Is having a baby as a forty year old worse, than having a baby as a sixteen year old?
Hi guys. So I am currently hanging out with my friends in the north-eastern part of Slovakia near Ukraine boundaries, the home of north-eastern rosnyaks, and we cross upon an interesting topic. In this part of Slovakia, mainly in villages, people got married as 16, 17 or 18 years old mainly in the times during, or after the WWII. They had 7 or 12 kids aproximately and they even lost their childrens due to works on fields. The life in this villages was like raise your own crop or starve and die, so leaving a young baby at home alone for couple of hours was necessary and common thing. People those days, have children only for one purpose, and that is to help them out around the house and fields, and in their older age take care of them. Some of them that were raised in this part of Slovakia, hold to this traditions nowdays, but in not such drastic ways like back then. Nowdays, the acces to healthcare and education is much better then during or after WWII.
Story from friend of mine:
My friend was raised by parents, that are holding to the tradition till this era. At young age of 12 he must do the work worthy a 40 year old man. But he isn´t unhappy about it. Even thougt he worked as a child, his experience of living in village is much better than in town, he said. People here go on festivals, hang out at forests or race with cars, during summer they go swimming in the nearby lake and some weekends at night they go on open-air parties. Age difference between him and his brother is 10 years, and he is the middle child. He works at some factory currently, and works around the house by reconstructing it, helping in the fields and so on. He says he never gets bored, because there is always something to do and so, he is living a life at it´s fullest. He is currently 19.
Story from my another friend:
One of friends of mine is the planned additional kid. You know, some people make a child to have take care of them because the first one left them. His mother was 40 years old when he was born, and he was terrorized by his older sisters, he experience dad´s cancer, and mother heart collapse. Due to work, to relieve his father and repairing their house, he never make more friends due to this. His parents went living to town, from village, but he was constatly draging to the village because of housework and other stuff. He said, that it is sad seeing your parents old, and fearing that at your adulthood they need from you much more than is acceptable, but no kid will ever spend time with their parents more fullfiling, and more memorably than those that are "cursed" like this. He is 21 and is studying in college and on summer he never went anywhere, maybe too some vacations bought by his older sisters, but they teased them and act like his mothers. They are 20 and 15 years older than him.
Story from my next friend:
My friend was married in her 16th and then they had a daughter but they got after 5 years of marriage divorced. They are living in a town, and the kid slightly accepted the absence of her father. She is now living with her new boyfriend, which is basically a classic manchild, but in terms of a spoiled late teenager. But her relationship with her daughter is much better than her older sisters have with their kids. The only thing is, that she cannot temper her curiosity, if you let her in your home, she will turn it upside down. So there is some unexperience in raising a child.
I can relate to my friends with older parents, so my thoughts about this topic, are prety much like this:
So... yeah. Even as a 40 years old you are more experienced, you have figured out your 2+2, but it isn´t about money. It´s about mentality. Few people pay attention to their mentality, that´s why people don´t realise they are not feeling different in they forties from the way they thought when they were younger. As a older person, you loosing grip with the world. If you having a child in an older age, look for a neiborghood, that won´t make your child experience things, that are experienced in your 30s or 50s. You must look for a middle ground, because the mentality I described is probably in every post-communist country, but you can see it in your own caountry, that for example the life in cities and villages differ, even in your north, west, east or south part of your country, so keep in mind, not money, not system, but mentality is the key. Even though, I think it´s not good for the child to having him in your older age nor your teenage age, but right in the middle and that is in age 26/27 where the males and females mostly calmed down their teenage hormones.
So what do you think, can you related? Write in the comments what you think, and what is life like iny your town/country/village. Hope you like this topic. ;)