Rant: The whole country should be thrown into trash! (part 1 of 2)

I wondered how I would make a consistent article about the state of Slovakia, but the problems that it has, are so intertwined (and many yet uncovered)I decided to just list them. Use this as a guide if you ever want to function in this country. May contain offensive language, be warned:

1.  Teachers are useless

First of all, I want to state, that I had some pretty good teachers at elementary school as I went with my friends, thanks to them, on many competitions like astronomy, geology, mathematics and such and you should really consider putting your child through some, even if he/she  doesn´t want it, because diplomas from those competitions count as points towards acceptance to a better middle school. Now let me explain the educational system here so you have a rough mental picture of how it works:

a, Kindergarten (not mandatory)

b, Preschool (1 year, not mandatory, doesn´t count towards the law mentioned later)

c, Elementary school (9 years, mandatory)

d, Middle school (depends on the type that the kid goes to but the norm is mostly 4 or 5 years, only 1 year is mandatory as the minimum of 10 years of education must be taken as it is stated by law). The most common types of middle schools in Slovakia are Vocational, Gymnasium, Industrial, and Business. Vocational schools have their subtypes but they tend to be conjoined with the Business schools so you have a kind of separate type.

e, Universities (usually 3 years are the norm for the bachelor degree, +2 for masters, but the Ph.D. mostly varies from 5 to 7. Universities also took upon the role of colleges as they also offer the distinct form of studies for adults on the job market. University can be attended only by finishing the middle school with the right type of graduation and passing the entry tests if there are any.)

Now, it´s all good and cool while your kid is in the elementary. Besides teacher´s failing marriage and thus taking it on the kids or timid teacher overpowered by kids and getting locked in the dumpster is a usual occurrence all around the world and considered normal here. The problem starts when your kid enters middle school. You see, a different type of school has a different type of curriculum on the subject, but the same teacher can teach the subject at any school. So your kid can end up on a Gymnasium (which should prepare your kid for university) expecting that the teacher will try to teach them quadratic function, differentials, topography, and matrixes until you find out that the Math teacher´s husband, a renowned bodybuilder, is solving the homework that she provided, because she didn´t even have a fucking clue what kind of math problem she created AND IF IT IS REALLY SOLVABLE BECAUSE SHE JUST DISCOVERED THE TOPIC THAT SHE NEED TO TEACH A FEW MONTHS AGO AFTER SHE WAS HIRED! AND WHEN HE DIED SHE QUIT BECAUSE SHE COULDN´T COMPUTE!!! LITERALLY!!! YOU SEE THE PROBLEM? (Before SJW´s chime in, you should know, that despite the fact she ruined future for many of kids, she wasn´t even properly reimbursed) For example, my math teacher before teaching on Gymnasium taught quadratic function on a CONJOINED school in the last year of attendance. The quadratic function is taught in Gymnasiums in the second half of the first year. We learned it in the second year. We didn´t learn about matrices or differentials AT ALL AND BARELY TOUCHED UPON FUNCTIONS! 

Solution to this may be a segregation by resumé and an automatic, official, no "buddy-buddy, you scratch my back I scratch yours" career movement (which is almost impossible at this point). The fact, that needs to be stated, that there even exists a 1-year minimal degree for teaching and it has the same weight as the 5-year degree for teaching, is not even funny. It´s lovecraftially-hysterical (Note: I became insane from anger from writing this at this point). Slovakia pushes for industrial sciences and studies, yet has not enough experienced teachers, and even if it hires a foreign one, usually the fuck just buys a book from Amazon, learns it word by word and gets the money from the school, the country and the percentage from what the country of origin of the teacher gives to Slovakia, while experienced teachers get fired. Top fucking LOL.

Even if you still consider to be a teacher, good luck to you, as teachers tend to form "sister-mafia-pacts" where they only hire family and friends. So a newcomer has almost no chance.

Second of all, some parts of Slovakia has really vile, vile, viiiiiiileeeee children so getting locked in a dumpster is just the tip of the iceberg. The next best thing is getting fucked by a student (as a teacher), which is considered a normal taboo as anywhere else. Yes, it is. Your bubble isn´t "The World".

This "Teacher Problem" has so many layers, I don´t even know if I touch on everything, but the problem which is mainly connected to this is the "Rampant Teenage Alcoholism" I will discuss later.

Oh, and remember how I told you that elementary schools are okay? Well, if you now expect for your kid to get some diplomas, so they have a headway start on a university or middle school, you can forget it. Many teachers turn these competitions into a fucking tea-party, where they favorite already knows the answer and only their free-time and gossip matters. Or they turn it into "everybody is a winner" so the diplomas have no value. Go figure.

However, even though there are some good teachers, it's like taking into consideration 600 square miles of fields just for 5 spikes of saffron. Either you use intrigue here, or get eaten by the business. Which leads me to:

2. Universities don´t do extra research

Even though you only pay for food and a place to stay, don´t get wide-eyed when you start to attend a university here. If you are a foreigner, you´re good. My friend during her Ph.D. studies had to GIVE her assigned computer with HER RESEARCH to some foreigner because he liked the color of the monitor on the computer. But it´s understandable since he was a Saudi, and this I will discuss in part 2. But other foreign students get that benefits too, because of money from their countries.

If you an orphan or from older parents, or have parents with cancer and want to study, you´re fucked. It´s an almost abysmal chance that you will be granted social stipendium (bourses) for students in need as only those with divorced fucks will get them. And, dear sweet Slovakia, instead of investigating the income of the divorced fucks, they made the rules strict for those that are in need, as some of them literally needed to change their place of residence so they can pose as a child of a single parent, while the divorced fucks have many businesses, which ownership is by another family member, or even worked without a contract so they can pose as unemployed. Not to mention the money they get as divorcees and that unchecked tax ease during their marriage, so basically the country is a huge marriage scam. So enjoy your night out with your friends while knowing about the social stipendium.

As for "the Grants" on the PhDr., they have official rules, but please don´t be surprised if your cancer research doesn't make the cut but butterfly dimorphism does. It´s all about who sucked the dick to whom. And even when you get it, the one that should lead your work will steal the money for him anyway and tax it in accounting with some bullshit receipts.

As for your thesis, doesn´t matter which one, it´s checked by the software for plagiarism which is unbelievably broken. An original work can get a percentage for plagiarism because of the form you are supposed to withhold (and it is given by the university) while writing your thesis, and sometimes the software misses the "copy-paste" works completely. Many of theses were written by someone else, even some businesses like this exist all around Slovakia, so if you just trying to get a title, give up your dreams and go for social worker studies. If you want to confront the software developers, most of them will tell you about football, what girl they fucked or something similar. Those that were cracking/hacking/ rewriting games in the 90s and 2000s are either gone or are totally ignored on the job market for the junior positions so really reconsider if you want to lose your mind. 

However, there is a united form of how your thesis should look like, but every professor and every faculty will tell you something different because no-one gives a fuck really. So don´t try to research something new, just reform an old work, and bonus points if your work helps your "professor" with their work. See? Slovakia is up with the rest of the world with this. So don´t be shocked if you see kids on PhDr. with shit works, running around screaming "Hitler/Stalin did nothing wrong".

Also if you want to finish your university sooner by attending multiple courses or subjects, you can´t. There is a limit on credits per year,  so even if you want to attend a course that gives you certificate on the side like a manager (and it´s some basic shit, no even Prince2 or something), basically you need to drop out, pay 600€ for an extra year, do the subject and then 600€ for every next year to finish.

Also if you want to study from the east end of the country in the west, be prepared for rampant racism and discouragement. Just saying so you cannot tell I didn´t warn you.

3. Doctors are a disaster !!

Students of medicine like to cry that have a lot of studies, yet you can found groups of them at any bar during the exam period. They can cry about histology and such, but if you are wealthy, you can pass with flying colors. You can see even pamphlets on the examination halls that say that the exams are in so and so day and time, but if you pay 250€ you can pass it without attending. Makes you wonder if they also take coupons. Law students have those privileges also. And don´t worry if you see a 50-year-old fuck dating a student. He is probably a decan.

Also, if you believe that doctors are just looking for customers, it´s more than true here. So be careful if you get prescribed something because doctors have no clue if their medicine is going to collide with the ones you have. Many older and younger people end up in the hospital because, for example, Predogalbin which is a pain reliever drug for spine problems, because a doctor prescribed it knowing full well, that the patient has a bypass and takes several other drugs like Pradaxa, which dilutes the blood or the other ones that are a heavy load on liver and kidneys. This can knock the person out like it happened to one of my family members. Always go with an internet or with the pamphlets to a doctor (the ones that are included in every package of your medicine to check if they are going to collide).

Same with the dentist. Or any doctor with a small office. A contract that you don´t want to be a guinea pig for starting doctors is non-existent here, so basically if you want to put your health documentation and attend to a specific doctor, you can´t. You will end up with someone else as I did. The doctor I wanted to attend was a dentist, but he gave me to some cunt that did my teeth fillings and I ended up with a necrosis of my jaw. And if you think that one doctor sends you to another just for one examination to get a paper that he needs, don´t be surprised if you need to wait a year to get it (even if your operation is next month) or you need to get there several times, so the other doctor can fill up his documentation so he can apply to your insurance company to pay the costs.

The best KEKing part is, that when sisters in hospitals and teachers took a strike for their underpayment... well I will discuss that in part 2.

4. Courses for the unemployed are a scam!

So if you are unemployed in Slovakia, you need to be enlisted in the Office for work, social matters and family. If you are traveling 600 km for an interview and don´t have a car, you are fucked. The thing is that you can be reimbursed for your travels, but the tickets you provide as an evidence need to be from the same day (back and forth) and then they can only cost maximum of 35€. Mind you that a train ticket for such distance cost around 42€. Nope, there are no Skype interview calls here. Not even from foreign companies. And the infrastructure sucks constantly gets rebuilt and it can happen that they forget to reimburse you even if you fill out the form and sent it. 

Now, you can apply for some courses to change your profession, HOWEVER, don´t expect professionalism or accuracy of the described course. Remember, everything is a fucking family business. Office of unemployed, for example, forced me to one of those courses, didn´t even want to change it during it as it was basically BENEATH ME AS I KNEW ALREADY THAT SHIT. It was basically a course for a fucking WORDPRESS USAGE even though it was parading around as a GENERAL WEB DEVELOPER COURSE. THE FUCKING MANAGER/LEADER/PRINCIPAL OR WHAT THE FUCK WAS PARADING AROUND USING THE APPLICANTS OF THE COURSE AS A FREE CHEAP LABOR AROUND THE PLACE, AND THE LECTOR WAS SOME YOUNG TEENAGE FUCK WHO DIDN´T EVEN HAD A LECTOR LICENSE. All we did was singing, watching films and such. Yes, he showed us how to use WordPress for 5 days in total. The course was supposed to be 20 days and The Office paid 748€ for that shit. The secretary or the person responsible for the first contact wasn´t behind the desk all the time, called me on the day when the course should start about the time of it´s beginning. Now I am stuck with an IT Web developer certificate and if I want to achieve the real one, I can´t because The Office will take it as I already went through a similar course. So if you are looking for a job or a course to attend, BEWARE OF "FAMILY BUSINESS" and "WE ARE LOOKING FOR YOUNG PEOPLE TO OUR TEAM" in the descriptions and know that even AT&T, AMAZON, ACCENTURE and other foreign companies are doing the same shit here. The Family cancer is everywhere and in part 2 you will know why it is A cancer.

Also doesn´t matter how skilled you are, the main predisposition is to be a student (and a girl) because they don´t pay employee taxes for you, as the university does it for them. So there are some pretty ties there. Which ties to:

5. Tough luck with HR and Managers

Everybody has problems with HR aaaalll around the world. But especially there is a problem when they are kids. Basically, if you want to start in HR, you have a deadline and a number you need to achieve. Kudos to those that are exceptions to this, but I´m not going to consider 600 square miles of fields just for 3 spikes of saffron as I mentioned earlier. The thing is, that if you want to start as an HR and don´t have a friend or family anywhere (as for most jobs in Slovakia) tough luck to you. Also be careful if you a woman and apply for this position. Many girls are hired here just to fulfill the old dream of a "boss and a sluty secretary scenario" so you can end up with a lot of shit on your plate from emotional and mental damage, to financial problems. Very serious financial problems.

However, if you even want to do your job respectfully, you can´t, as the pressure for deadlines and numbers is just more of a pleasing a boss thing than a "getting-fired" thread.

However, due to vaaastly different lifestyles in this country, HR, or kindergarteners as I like to call them, will basically go by the mantra "we are looking for someone young to create a team" so basically they are expecting to talk with you about hoes, alcohol, hip-hop and shit basically. Mind you I was working from ELEMENTARY SCHOOL  on building sites, had several part-time jobs during my studies and almost never experienced that Californian summer as portrayed everywhere, have gone through a lot of stuff and yet, they will view your job experience as "not enough" as they will never look on a lot of job experience as a hard-worker. Remember, they are here for the numbers.

The problem is also with the West and East parts of Slovakia. Many kids in the east part where tending on the fields every day, went to school and if they wanted to be social, they could go to a club, but by the cost of their sleep. The West kids are a typical movie-starbuckloving-potsmoking-gamer shits that don´t know problems, besides getting a GF or BF and that´s it. And the older folk have even more experienced life as they lost their older siblings to field-work so they could eat during winter. But more on that in part 2.

6. Job scams

Since the Family values Cancer is all around the business, be prepared when you get a job interview, you might going to be interviewed for a job that you didn´t even apply for and even tough luck to you if you are a woman. Yes, being a woman can get you a job more easily here, but at a cost of a "slutty secretary" scenario I mentioned earlier. In one of my part-time jobs, I was interviewing a woman (as a part-timer mind you, because the boss doesn´t give a shit, because of family business values so everybody can do everything) and of course, she was more skilled for the job than I will ever be, well-travelled, lots of years of experience, nuff said. However, she didn´t get the job, because when the bosses girlfriend found out, she didn´t like the fact that she had bigger tits (a 20-year-old, the bosses girlfriend was 35) and I heard that statement verbatim. 

If you are looking for a job online, avoid profesia.sk as the site is full of scam and don´t look for a serious job on facebook here. Only small jobs are somewhat okay. If you are looking for a job online, keep in mind, that you can end up in a job where a manager calls you a faggot, imbecile on a daily basis and the measures you can take are at your cost, so don´t expect it to be it like in Canada or anywhere else in the world.

And don´t believe anybody can get on a junior position and even if the English language is a necessity for a job, don´t believe that, it´s only about the connection.

Recent laws even prevent graduates to move into a different city where they can find a part-time job until they find a real one, as you need to be enlisted in the Office, make maximum of almost  200€ (if you make more, you are fired from the office and you need to pay your health insurance and other things by yourself) and you can work in a part-time only for a maximum of a month. You can thank the older cunts on the Office with their family values crap. Also, not everybody that searches for a job after graduation gets a monthly fee. Also, be prepared that you need to visit the office around the middle of the month in the same time as HR decides to call. It´s usual to get lice from traveling for interviews or some allergies so imagine, or even necrosis handling all tha, but you know #IloveSlovakia 

Part 2 coming soon...